Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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