i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I can text with my tongue
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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