You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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