I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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