who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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