im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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