he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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