chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
