it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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