My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize