I must be too annoying 4 u.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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