Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
