I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
