Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
