You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
