playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
