I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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