The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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