he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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