Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
