kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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