She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
