i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
