My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
