Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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