Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
