i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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