Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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