i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
