Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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