I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
