thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
