I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Randomize
