There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
