are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
