I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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