Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
