Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
