At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
