i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize