is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
