thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
