know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
