she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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