i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize