I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
