hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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