I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize