just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
