Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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