just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
