i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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