Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
