i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
