Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
