what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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