Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize