We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
