I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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