I puked a lego.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
