my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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