I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
