I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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