You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
