i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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