i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
