Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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