I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
