I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
